blogs are silly

no, seriously! they are.  my blogs in particular are ESPECIALLY silly.  I just read a bunch of old blogs and I'm literally laughing at my stupidity.  Oh well, maybe that's what blogging is for- to make fun of yourself after the fact.
Hmmmph.
It's raining.  I'm ok with it.  I'm craving a good cup of coffee.  Lately coffee has been making me sick though.  Scratch that.  Decaf doesn't make me sick.. but I'm always so embarassed to ask for decaf.  Me: "Oh, could I actually get that decaf?" Barista: "Haha, are you kidding me? What's the point?" Me: "Oh, uh, nevermind then." And then I usually fall over and die.. and come back to life in about 15 seconds. 

do you see what i mean, silly?


yep.

other people's ideas

Friday, 8:27 AM

Good morning fellow blogger(s).  I come to you this morning with happy thoughts.  Although I am at work (experiencing a great deal of tiredness) I am in good spirits.  My parents have left the country and will not be back until next Friday.  My brothers and I couldn't be happier.  Lately life with my mother has been a little more difficult than it usually is.  We typically get along great.  I consider my mother one of my best friends, but lately we have been eachother's biggest enemies!  Apparently she has "run out" of her medication (happy pills!) and so she has been extra crabby and mean!  It's fun.  Not.  But she's gone so all is good.  Plus, I move out 4 days after she gets back!  Joy.

Ever since I started working I have been spending much time on the internet with nothing to do.  (Working at the Admission's office in the summer is quite a drag...) I found this really neat website with lots of different projects that I would like to take on for my new apartment.  The link is here:  http://www.craftster.org/  I would like to show you some of the projects I will be attempting:

As many of you (granted I only have like two readers, haha.) know I have a lot of stuff.  I do not own any sort of shelving unit.  My dad has a bunch of scrap wood from previous projects (my parents are ALWAYS working on something) and hopefully he can give me some to make these lovely shelves!  I would most likely paint them different colors or my typical black .. we'll see.

This next project I am for surely doing.  The materials have already been ordered.   In my apartment I have one window and I plan on making these "slide curtains" for it.  I have ordered 400 slides, hopefully that will be enough.  As you can see I will have to drill several holes in each slide.  This could take me a while, but with plenty of good music and a postive attitude I think I can make it through.  I am especially excited for this project.  :)

Another project that I will for surely be doing is this light thing (I would like to come up with creative names for these items/projects... but those are still waiting to be created.)  This light might be a little difficult to make but with a little practice I think I will get the hang of it.  You basically buy some yarn and glue (and some other things.. I can give you the directions if you ask me) and you wrap those around a big balloon, let it dry, stick a hanging light in there, and pop the balloon.  Sounds easy, but I heard it's really difficult.  But it's so cool, so I have to do it.

Those are Ikea pillows in the backround ;) 

This next project (and last) will be very easy to make.  I just need to find a nice tree branch and somehow master the art of making paper cranes.  No problem.

I am sure today I will find a handful of other projects to take on in the near future.  This certainly will be my anti-drug for the next couple of weeks.  Happy trails!

this is what happens when i can't find my notebook.

I don't like it when people try to "solve" my problems.  I choose to forget about things/people/situations.  It's easier that way. Don't like it? Deal with it.  You "feel like you've lost me?"  Your fault.  You've given up practically everything that's good in life? I don't care.  It doesn't impress me.  I don't live in Minneapolis anymore.  I am choosing to forget about everything .. everything except two people that would never scorn me for not reading my bible daily or get mad at me for skipping chapel. Christians now make me sick.  Well, those Christians...  I don't mean anything to you.  I'm not "good" enough for you.  All you do is criticize me.  Leave me alone?

my goodness, i'm on a rage...

i'm a terrible person.  but sometimes when you wanna forget you have to be...

words.

can people just stop hating on the gays?
i mean, why can't people just let people be people?
i'm getting really tired of it.
and i think i might actually be getting tired now.. so i'm going to go to bed.

day 34?

Ughhhhh, my body will not heal.
I'm so tired of sitting all by myself all day long!  I've accomplished nothing ... and I honestly don't even feel any improvement in my health.

I've watched a few movies:
Iron Jawed Angels - terrible.  I couldn't even finish it.
Balibo 5 - It was decent.  It's an Australian film (.. someone from Australia may have recommended it to me :) ) and it's about these 5 Australian journalists who went to Timor to film what was happening there at the time (1975- the Indonesians were trying to take over their country.. killing thousands of people) He told me I should've cried.. but I didn't.  I feel kind of terrible actually for not crying... but it just didn't seem that sad to me! Oops.

More to come.  Soon.

Because I am incredibly bored on a Friday night.

About 3 1/2 weeks ago I started to get really sick.  It started off with just a mild sore throat and then it just became more and more severe.  I went to the doctor and he was certain that it was Strep Throat .. but the results came back negative.  They told me to go home and take Ibuprofin.   About a week after I was sick I started to feel a little better but I was still drained of energy and was constantly sleeping.  I left for New York (this was about 2 1/2 weeks ago) and I had a great time... looking back now I remember being extremely tired the whole time.. but I forced myself to stay awake for the city.  My sore throat snuck up on me some times.. but I just figured it was because I was singing so much.  So choir tour finally ended and as soon as I got home I crashed. And I crashed hard.  Aside from going to my classes I think I slept all day Monday and Tuesday.. but I just figured that I was tired from tour.  Wednesday was a different story.  I woke up to my alarm (at 7:00) and and I literally could not get out of bed.  I was soo sick, sooo tired, and incredibly weak.  So I stayed in bed all day Wednesday.  And thursday.  And Friday.  Saturday I finally started to feel better .. but I still slept all day.  Sunday was about the same thing.  My mom kept asking me if I should go to the doctor but I thought it was just a flu.. and the doctors can't really do anything for that.  By Monday I was so sick of being "sick" I decided to just do all of my daily-doings.  Mondays are full days for me.. but everything went fine.  I got done at about six.. ate a few morsels of food and crashed.  The next 2 days were like this too.  I would do my stuff during the day and then crash at about 6.  On Wednesday (this would be two days ago) I woke up realllllly sick again.  My sore throat had came back for a visit and I had this terrible headache.  I ending up going to the ER (my only option) .. it was the worst experience of my life.  First of all, I hate HCMC.  It is the worst hospital in the history of the world.. they have terrible service and I feel like I know more than most of the staff there.  I spent FIVE hours in the hospital.. by myself.. the closest to death I've ever felt (well, obviously it wasn't THAT bad.. but I've never been really sick before) It was just a terrible experience.  And I'm sure it cost a fortune.. they gave me two IVs and two doses of some medicine that I can't remember the name of.  And to top it all off they diagnosed me with mono.

So yesterday my Dad picked me up and here I am, at my house, bored out of my mind.  I just took a shower and i thought blogging might keep me a little occupied.  So I'm going to just try to document the things I've been doing.

Today:
I woke up.
My throat has been KILLING me all day.
The morning was rough.
I ate a bowl of cereal and wasn't extremely full afterwards (a huge step.. I haven't really eaten much of anything for the past 3 weeks)
My brothers were really nice to me .. (a first?) .. Jake made nachos.  I ate some.  It hurt like HELL but I knew that they would eventually make me feel better.
I drank a lot of water (also a huge accomplishment.. it's hard for me to stay hydrated when I'm ill)
I took ibuprofin.
I started to feel better.
I watched tv ALL day.
I at a slice and a half of pizza (probably the most i've eaten since, well.. a long time.)
I watched "Up in the Air" .. loved it.  Watch it.
I took a shower.
And that's it.   I hope I can accomplish more tomorrow.

'many mazes'

Hundreds of rarities are buzzing through my head.
I keep wishing for for the sunset but all I see is gray.
When will I see,
See something deeper than me?
I know that it's out there
Just waiting on a thousand corners.
But am I willing?
And am I deserving?
The truth cannot be found in this dark, weary place.
Suffocation took a hold of me
And I lost my dearest friend.

I am so sorry.