words.

can people just stop hating on the gays?
i mean, why can't people just let people be people?
i'm getting really tired of it.
and i think i might actually be getting tired now.. so i'm going to go to bed.

day 34?

Ughhhhh, my body will not heal.
I'm so tired of sitting all by myself all day long!  I've accomplished nothing ... and I honestly don't even feel any improvement in my health.

I've watched a few movies:
Iron Jawed Angels - terrible.  I couldn't even finish it.
Balibo 5 - It was decent.  It's an Australian film (.. someone from Australia may have recommended it to me :) ) and it's about these 5 Australian journalists who went to Timor to film what was happening there at the time (1975- the Indonesians were trying to take over their country.. killing thousands of people) He told me I should've cried.. but I didn't.  I feel kind of terrible actually for not crying... but it just didn't seem that sad to me! Oops.

More to come.  Soon.

Because I am incredibly bored on a Friday night.

About 3 1/2 weeks ago I started to get really sick.  It started off with just a mild sore throat and then it just became more and more severe.  I went to the doctor and he was certain that it was Strep Throat .. but the results came back negative.  They told me to go home and take Ibuprofin.   About a week after I was sick I started to feel a little better but I was still drained of energy and was constantly sleeping.  I left for New York (this was about 2 1/2 weeks ago) and I had a great time... looking back now I remember being extremely tired the whole time.. but I forced myself to stay awake for the city.  My sore throat snuck up on me some times.. but I just figured it was because I was singing so much.  So choir tour finally ended and as soon as I got home I crashed. And I crashed hard.  Aside from going to my classes I think I slept all day Monday and Tuesday.. but I just figured that I was tired from tour.  Wednesday was a different story.  I woke up to my alarm (at 7:00) and and I literally could not get out of bed.  I was soo sick, sooo tired, and incredibly weak.  So I stayed in bed all day Wednesday.  And thursday.  And Friday.  Saturday I finally started to feel better .. but I still slept all day.  Sunday was about the same thing.  My mom kept asking me if I should go to the doctor but I thought it was just a flu.. and the doctors can't really do anything for that.  By Monday I was so sick of being "sick" I decided to just do all of my daily-doings.  Mondays are full days for me.. but everything went fine.  I got done at about six.. ate a few morsels of food and crashed.  The next 2 days were like this too.  I would do my stuff during the day and then crash at about 6.  On Wednesday (this would be two days ago) I woke up realllllly sick again.  My sore throat had came back for a visit and I had this terrible headache.  I ending up going to the ER (my only option) .. it was the worst experience of my life.  First of all, I hate HCMC.  It is the worst hospital in the history of the world.. they have terrible service and I feel like I know more than most of the staff there.  I spent FIVE hours in the hospital.. by myself.. the closest to death I've ever felt (well, obviously it wasn't THAT bad.. but I've never been really sick before) It was just a terrible experience.  And I'm sure it cost a fortune.. they gave me two IVs and two doses of some medicine that I can't remember the name of.  And to top it all off they diagnosed me with mono.

So yesterday my Dad picked me up and here I am, at my house, bored out of my mind.  I just took a shower and i thought blogging might keep me a little occupied.  So I'm going to just try to document the things I've been doing.

Today:
I woke up.
My throat has been KILLING me all day.
The morning was rough.
I ate a bowl of cereal and wasn't extremely full afterwards (a huge step.. I haven't really eaten much of anything for the past 3 weeks)
My brothers were really nice to me .. (a first?) .. Jake made nachos.  I ate some.  It hurt like HELL but I knew that they would eventually make me feel better.
I drank a lot of water (also a huge accomplishment.. it's hard for me to stay hydrated when I'm ill)
I took ibuprofin.
I started to feel better.
I watched tv ALL day.
I at a slice and a half of pizza (probably the most i've eaten since, well.. a long time.)
I watched "Up in the Air" .. loved it.  Watch it.
I took a shower.
And that's it.   I hope I can accomplish more tomorrow.

'many mazes'

Hundreds of rarities are buzzing through my head.
I keep wishing for for the sunset but all I see is gray.
When will I see,
See something deeper than me?
I know that it's out there
Just waiting on a thousand corners.
But am I willing?
And am I deserving?
The truth cannot be found in this dark, weary place.
Suffocation took a hold of me
And I lost my dearest friend.

I am so sorry.

wishing for tough skin.

Ehhhhh... my battery is completely dead on my computer and my protection plan doesn't even cover it.  Looks like I'm going to have to make another purchase.  This sucks.
Could be worse I guess.
I never use my computer anyways after quitting facebook.  

I go back to school soon... I can already feel the sickness stirring up in my insides.  I hope this semester goes by really fast.  That would make me so happy.

Why am I writing this?  Man, my blogs are so pointless.

bad grammar and thoughts on the future

hmm it's been a while since I have blogged (like a week?)

I'm changing my major back to music ed (AGAIN!)  ... Every day since I changed my major from music ed to vocal performance I make myself sick worrying about how I'm going to be able to survive, etc.  So I just decided to go back to music ed.. even though it's not a very promising field I'll have better luck finding a job.  And it will be more fun and rewarding too.  Haha.  I'll graduate a year later than I thought I would though.. What a joke.

And hopefully I'm transferring as soon as this summer to the U (hopefully--the fingers are crossed.)  If I don't get accepted then I'm not sure what I'll do.  Stay at north central, I guess.  I have about 2 years left after this year (suck.  I hate education classes.  and north central!)  At least when I graduate I can go straight into working instead of potentially going to grad school right away.

And I also thought about perhaps adding another major.. it would probably be history.  I've always really enjoyed history.  Although I have never actually taken a college history class I have taken Music History and that was hands down my favorite class of all time.  It's still up in the air but I figure if I have history major and a music major I could teach both.. and that would be well, perfect.  Hello jobs.......


So now I wait for the U to get back to me (probably like 2 months.. ugh!)  I'm praying that they accept me!  I would be soooo thankful to get out of north central!

that's it.  I'm boring, I know.