bad grammar and thoughts on the future

hmm it's been a while since I have blogged (like a week?)

I'm changing my major back to music ed (AGAIN!)  ... Every day since I changed my major from music ed to vocal performance I make myself sick worrying about how I'm going to be able to survive, etc.  So I just decided to go back to music ed.. even though it's not a very promising field I'll have better luck finding a job.  And it will be more fun and rewarding too.  Haha.  I'll graduate a year later than I thought I would though.. What a joke.

And hopefully I'm transferring as soon as this summer to the U (hopefully--the fingers are crossed.)  If I don't get accepted then I'm not sure what I'll do.  Stay at north central, I guess.  I have about 2 years left after this year (suck.  I hate education classes.  and north central!)  At least when I graduate I can go straight into working instead of potentially going to grad school right away.

And I also thought about perhaps adding another major.. it would probably be history.  I've always really enjoyed history.  Although I have never actually taken a college history class I have taken Music History and that was hands down my favorite class of all time.  It's still up in the air but I figure if I have history major and a music major I could teach both.. and that would be well, perfect.  Hello jobs.......


So now I wait for the U to get back to me (probably like 2 months.. ugh!)  I'm praying that they accept me!  I would be soooo thankful to get out of north central!

that's it.  I'm boring, I know.

"Once upon a time, I wanted to know what love was.  Love is there, if you want it to be.  You just have to see, that it's wrapped in beauty, and hidden away between the seconds of your life.  If you don't stop for a minute, you might miss it."

with all of this time on my hands...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8d7zjrNH7ts

the go-getter

I liked this movie.  A lot.

M. Ward AND Zo0ey Deschanel?? Yes please.

ohmygosh.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmeTAhFeogU

droooooool...

Finals are over. Christmas is approaching. I could potentially read twilight all day. Gracie will soon be in my arms. I'm listening to Margot and wearing my favorite shirt.

It's just a good day. :)

na na na na nananananana

weird.
I'm studying for my new testament final.  I just flipped to Jude in my bible (to start studying) .. all of a sudden "Hey Jude" starts playing on my ipod........

coincidence?

my first cue to run

i hope home will bring me more joy than this poop hole.

...doubt it.



I'm moving to China.  Bye.

Words of Truth

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

if it weren't for studying I would've never stumbled upon this:

 "I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that."


Amen, sister friend.

IMG00110.jpg

My lovely friend Emily and I. :)
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Love love love
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

The atlantic was born to day..

Sorrow.
Shame.
Anger.
Exhaustion.
Regret.
Confusion.
Aggravation.
Depression.

For three months all of these emotions, feelings, whatever-you-want-to-call-it's have been hovering around me like a black cloud.  From the moment I arrived in Minneapolis I was a mess.   I was so excited to come here.  I was just itching to get out of my house to finally be away from my parents, my jobs, and even some of my friends.  It was an opportunity for me to start a totally new life - a life free of sinful things and all of my regrets.  In my mind everything was going to be perfect when I started this "new life."  I would be surrounded by Christian people, Christian traditions, Christian rules, Christian music, Christian clothes - all things that I actually enjoyed (pre-northcentral.)  I was stoked.  Truly.  So why did my opinion change drastically the moment I stepped foot in the doors of Miller Hall?

Things went dramatically down hill from there obviously.  Three months of absolute hell.  The details are irrelevant at this point.  Everything is just a blur to me anyways.  Never in my life have I ever felt so alone.  No one can see my point of view.  Everyone just tells me I need to lose my attitude.  Or as my good friend said the other day "You need to read your bible fifteen minutes a day and pray fifteen minutes a day and go to chapel every day and journal fifteen minutes a day." But is that really what I need?  Will those things really help me?  Not a day has gone by without me begging God to change something.  Change my attitude, change my opinions, change anything.  I just need something to get me out of this hole because I just keep digging deeper and deeper...


Today I had a slight epiphany.
I was thinking to myself this afternoon that I had a really good week.
*Some drama had died down with a couple of friends and I could actually look my friends in the eyes.
*I got together with an old friend a few times and we had an amazing time together (uptown love!!!)  I know that I'm having a good time when I almost pee my pants.  It was so great to see her again.  She is a sister to me, full of love and compassion and such a beautiful heart.  I am so thankful she lives so close.  I can actually see God blessing her -- she reflects His love!
*It's the week before finals.  I prayed a few times for God to just give me a calm spirit and to just give me the courage to just persist through everything.  Voice juries are TOMORROW.  And I'm blogging.  Yeah, I'm definitely calm.  Weird how some things work....
*I got into a huge fight with my closet friend here (I won't give names).  It took a huge toll on me.  He made me extremely upset.  But then we talked again.   And things got better.  A whole lot better.  I suppose that could be a whole different blog....
*I got a job but then they called me and told me they couldn't hire me until maybe after break. Oh well.  Calm spirit?
And most importantly:
*My smile is slowly coming back.  Today while I was walking to Mensing in the blistering cold wintery weather I realized how beautiful the snow actually is.  I was constantly looking at my feet while I was walking and I began to slowly trip out.  Maybe it was just today but it seemed like the snow was extra glittery.   I was in awe.  Such a beautiful creation by a beautiful creator...... Also, I actually talked to some girls in choir today and it wasn't even bad. And I smiled at a lot of people .. and I didn't have to force it!  ..My guitar lesson was great.  Kevin made me sing and play my song that I have to sing for Christmas Eve and it made me feel just so comfortable... haven't had that feeling in oh, maybe three months.

Back to the epiphany:
I was sitting in New Testament this morning at eight o fricking crack of dawn clock and a thought popped into my head.  People Serving People.  What?  And then I thought some more.  Oh yes, the weekend long mission trip to MPLS when I was in 10th grade.  And then another thought popped into my head.  About two months ago I was at Nick's house and he mentioned walking past the People Serving People building downtown.  And then another thought: should I volunteer there? Yes.  So I filled out a huge application and got an email about an hour later.  "We are currently booked for the month of December.  Email us in January and we can set up a time to tour the facility and assign you to something."  Glory!!!!!  This could be exactly what I need.  I read on their website that 2/3 of the people that they house are children.  That broke my heart.  It was -8 last night.  Just think of all the children on the streets of Minneapolis right now.... Maybe this is God telling me to start my own homeless shelter....
Oh the thoughts that go through my head.

Anyways.  I hadn't intended on writing a blog more that one paragraph.  This is originally what I was going to write.
My friend Tony talked to me at dinner tonight.  He told me the news that he was moving to Kansas City next thursday to do an internship with IHOP.  I expressed my feelings to him about how I would love to just get all my stuff and just move somewhere.  Then I realized that that is essentially what I did.  He took one look at me and said, "Wherever you go, there you'll be."

I can't run away from my problems.  No matter where I go they will be with me forever.
Wherever I go, there I am.  Wherever I go, there I am.   Minneapolis.  Minneapolis.   Minneapolis.  I'm here for a reason.  I'm here in Minneapolis at this school for a reason.
For reasons.  
For something..

really?

When I was in the 9th grade I worked at Big D's Take and Bake Pizza.  We would get these huge bags of cheese and we would always have to pound the bags to get rid of the clumps in the cheese.  Everyone hated doing this but I loved it.  It was a way to express my anger.  Just punch the bag as hard as you can and watch your anger just fly out of your skin.   I soooo wish I had a bag of cheese to pound right now.

Why

are

some

people

so

inimical.

Is it really necessary?  We only have one life to live.. why can't people start loving each other?

Liberation

Nothing has ever been more satisfying...
...than deleting my facebook.

Even though I miss the status updates I am sure I will survive.

Keisha Lynn Held is finally breathing again with the help of not one but two B complexes today.



My piano awaits me....

don't go to bed in the garden..

ok.
so I have a new favorite band.   This doesn't happen that often so it's quite exciting.
Paper Rival.
I've probably listened to them for at least 15 hours straight now.  They are loud and angry- two things that I'm usually not into.  Lately I've been digging the "I fucking hate everything" sound... so it makes sense.  They are birthday cake.  Certainly they have satisfied my cravings over the past few days.
Paper Rival reminds me of Manchester Orchestra and Margot (even before reading on last.fm that they are highly similar - lol.)  The lyrics are magically written and soo creative (much like Margot) but yet their sound is so raw and aggressive like Manchester Orchestra... It's pure bliss for me.


This song is just incredible - "A Fox in the Garden"

I know what I did
cause if you're my friend
I’ve lied to you this far

I’m no one to trust
I’ve got a brand new pen
and I drink too much

There I was like a holy lantern
I was held up bright but
I was held up battered
You know, you know, you know I’ll burn out soon

There you were like Sunday mass
all the boring little hymns that'll never pass
You know, you know, you know

Don’t go to bed in the garden
I’ll be throwing apples away
when no ones awake

There I was like the devil’s mouth
with a terrible lie that I want to announce
you know, you know, you know I’ll burn out soon

There you were like a broken lamb
your eyes they shut not to, open again until
you know, you know that I’ve burnt through

Don’t go to bed in the garden
I’ll be throwing apples away
when no ones awake
Don’t make your bed in the garden
I’ll be planting flowers all May

"Someone here has seen the culprit!"
“Someone here has found me out!”
"Someone here has seen the culprit!"
"No one here is getting out!"

Don’t go to bed in the garden
I’ll be throwing apples away
when no ones awake
Don’t go to bed in the garden
I’ll be throwing apples away
when no ones awake
Don’t make your bed in the garden
I’ll be planting flowers all May

Until my pitchfork breaks
My pitchfork breaks
Pitchfork breaks
My pitchfork breaks
Until my pitchfork breaks
My pitchfork breaks
Pitchfork breaks
My pitchfork breaks
Until my pitchfork breaks


Love x342308409382.

in lovvvve with this video.

http://www.stumbleupon.com/s/#33ZO3u/www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_HXUhShhmY/

this was fun to make.

this website is bringing me joy tonight.

http://www.stumbleupon.com/s/#2M1aDH/www.wilk4.com/humor/humorm208.htm/

je m’en fou

candy

straight in your sneakers.

check out the "goodness." link on the right hand side of my blog.
You won't be dissapointed. 

<3

my future?

Making cds for people: awesome.

Coloring on the cds: even more awesome.

Making cds and coloring on them AND finding out they don't work and getting to keep them for yourself and putting them on your wall?  FREAKIN awesome.

Eeek.  I need to study.  Curse this bloody internet for destroying my plans of being studious.

love?

I.

Love.

This.

Guy.

his words = my thoughts

<3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Z1_BxfdjSA

http://www.musicalfamilytree.com/top-downloads

I love how Margot is number one on the list.   Love.

I feel like this would be something I would buy.  :)

http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?itemdescription=true&itemCount=10&startValue=11&selectedProductColor=&sortby=&id=17460122&parentid=A_MEDIA_NEW&sortProperties=+subCategoryPosition,&navCount=30&navAction=poppushpush&color=&pushId=A_MEDIA_NEW&popId=APARTMENT_MEDIA&prepushId=

Something to ponder.

So I'm studying for my New Testament test (I believe it's on the four gospels.. not really sure though).  I was reading the many parables that Jesus taught and this one stuck out to me quite a bit.  So here it is:  (Luke 11: 5-13) taken from the Message)

^5-6Then he said, "Imagine what would happen if you went to a friend in the middle of the night and said, 'Friend, lend me three loaves of bread. An old friend traveling through just showed up, and I don't have a thing on hand.'

 ⁷"The friend answers from his bed, 'Don't bother me. The door's locked; my children are all down for the night; I can't get up to give you anything.'

 ⁸"But let me tell you, even if he won't get up because he's a friend, if you stand your ground, knocking and waking all the neighbors, he'll finally get up and get you whatever you need.

 ⁹"Here's what I'm saying: 

   Ask and you'll get; 
   Seek and you'll find; 
   Knock and the door will open.

 ^10-13"Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This is not a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we're in. If your little boy asks for a serving of fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? If your little girl asks for an egg, do you trick her with a spider? As bad as you are, you wouldn't think of such a thing—you're at least decent to your own children. And don't you think the Father who conceived you in love will give the Holy Spirit when you ask him?"

I often find myself "bargaining" with God.  I don't know why but sometimes I feel like I have to sugar coat things.  But really I guess He just wants us to be straight up with Him.  He knows our hearts and He knows what we want.  So why wouldn't we just ask for what we need?  I'll leave you with that.   

I've been posting wayyy too many blogs lately.   Insane.   

"How deep is that river?"  

my anti-drug

Shows I would like to attend, in order of importance:

Mason Jennings - Nov. 22nd

J. Tillman - Nov. 6th

Halloween, Alaska / Haley Bonar - Nov. 27th

The Rakes / Free Energy - Nov. 6th 

The Mountain Goats - Nov. 7th

Shows that I would like to go to but simply cannot afford:

Monsters of Folk - Oct. 29th

David Gray w/ Lisa Hannigan (I don't like David Gray) - Oct. 30th

Now I won't forget!

Cherish the good,

Savor the time,

Dwell upon what is Mine.  

Heightened Passion

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

it's warm out.

inches of time

there's nothing like settling 

for something so cold

surrendering hearts turn into blurry objects

guidance and direction are not apparent today

and yet I keep searching

for something

in

here...

chewing gum.

cold 

shadows

try

to

escape

the 

sunlight.

lonely 

hearts

shrivel 

in 

enclosed 

places.

earthly

things

crawl

up

my 

side.

i

am

surrounded 

by

secrets.

devoured by shame.

I wrote this paper for a class in twenty minutes.  It's pretty brutal.   But it speaks my heart.

When I chose to come to North Central I quickly became very anxious and excited to come to school.  I just could not wait to experience God every day.  I needed something more.  My first two years of college at St. Cloud State were just not living up to my standards.  I felt like I needed to be around more Christians.  I needed guidance.  There were so many holes in St. Cloud that I just easily seemed to slip into.   Everyday I would find my self in more trouble.  Drugs and alcohol quickly consumed my wants and needs.  I was surrounded by sin and it devoured my heart.  I was so lost, but yet I still had this incredible love for Jesus, and I just wanted to spread that love.  Somehow.  I just felt so alone in my journey.   There was no one I could talk to, no one I could share my faith with.  It was awful.  I went to school every day and tried so hard to put a smile on my face, but inside I was being eaten alive by something, something that was destroying me.   I needed something.   Something to keep me alive.  I was desperate for change.  

It was spring semester of last year.   Finals week had just started.   I was sitting on my bed in my apartment, bawling my eyes out, begging God for forgiveness.  This was such a low point in my life.  I was failing one of my classes, one of my professors hadn't passed me onto the next level for Voice lessons, and a boy had just ripped my heart out and thrown it onto the floor.   Suddenly something popped into my head.   Now, I've always been pretty in-tune to what God is doing in my life.  He has spoken to me three times and they have all been pretty clear to me.  I knew this was God.   I had never even heard of North Central University, but He put it in my head.  So I googled it, applied, and got accepted all within two weeks.

I was ecstatic.  Finally I would have something new and exciting in my life.  I could finally get out of the dark pit that I had been drowning in for two years.  My family and friends thought I was crazy.   "Do you know how crazy those people are Keisha?" "You're going to turn into such a hypocrite!" "How are you going to handle being constrained to all the rules?"  Their kind words scared the living daylights out of me.  They were right.  I needed a miracle to actually survive this place.   But I knew I had to go.  God told me!  I could not just say no to God.   When He opens a door I just have to go through it.  I have no other option.  

Summer quickly came to a close and I was so sad to leave.  I had the best summer of my life.  I was clean, my friends really started to accept me for who I was, I had an incredible time being a youth pastor at a local church.   I was extremely happy with the summer as a whole.  I learned so much.  All I wanted to do was stay.  But I couldn't.   August 29th came around and I knew I had no choice but to pack up all my things and say goodbye to everything and anything that I had ever known.   I was sick to my stomach.  I knew no one in Minneapolis.   Once again my heart was crushed and it was just starting to heal...

And so it goes.  Move-in day arrived, my parents dropped me off, they said goodbye and I was completely alone.   Already I had horrible thoughts of North Central and as soon as I got settled in the thoughts became more real.  It was quite haunting.  I've always been an observer.  I'm always watching people, trying to learn how they live their lives.  My observations were definitely not good ones.  Everything seemed so off to me.   The majority of people just seemed so fake.  I couldn't even tell if they had the love of Jesus living inside of them!  Chapel disgusted me.  For one hour of the day these people are on their knees, crying out to Jesus, repenting, screaming, jumping for joy, lying on the floor, ABSOLUTELY INSANE FOR JESUS.   At first I thought that was incredible.  To be so alive, so passionate for this guy who gave everything for us, that's true love right there.   But then I met these people.   I observed.   I listened.  I talked.   These people are putting on a show!  Their actions from 8:00 am - 11:00 am and 12:00 pm to 12:00 am do not even resemble the person they are from 11:00 am - 12:00 pm.  All they preach about in chapel is to love.  But I haven't even seen love!  Why aren't people reaching out to our brothers and sisters in need?  Where is the compassion?  In all of my life I've never heard people judge other people so much.   I was sick to my stomach.   And it started to bring me down, way down.

To be 100% honest this whole month and a half has been a complete blur to me.   I feel like I'm living in a cloud.   I can't see the good in people.  I can't even see Jesus in the people here.  I can't find Him.  I keep looking but I am just completely lost.   I need something real.  Something tangible.  The fire has died here.  People keep telling us how we need to bring the love of Christ to other people but to be honest I think we need it here more than anything.  This is a sick and twisted place.   I want my Jesus back.   I want to wake up every day and just be so thankful for everything that He is doing in my life.  I can't see it.  

If there's one thing I've learned here its that I can't run away from my problems.   Maybe I should go back to St. Cloud.   Maybe I should stay.  I have no idea.   I've never been so alone in my life.   I'm just dying for something...

birthday cake

Living in Minneapolis is fantastic.   

I'm currently looking for a church.

I have experienced many awkward things in the past two weeks.  

I just watched "Sixteen Candles" for the 1,098,340,932th time.  

I bought this bracelet at a vintage clothing store and it has turned my wrist green a few times but it washes right off. 

I have a this new friend (Ashley) and she is a ginger.  And I love her.

Ikea has satisfied my many needs.  And I'm totally ok with that.

I made it into Chorale.  It's kinda a joke.. but hopefully it gets better.

My love for Jesus is growing greater and greater each day.   

I miss St. Cloud and my dog.

I found names for my children.   Girls: Parks Madison. Rubee Lea.  Boys: Taebor Phillip. Josiah James.

I need a haircut.

I'm still addicted to Coke.

I have a beautiful view of Elliot Park and I can see the moon through the window when I am in my bed.  

The end.   

Ouch.

Stair steps.  Who likes them?  Not very many people.  Perhaps people in the athletic field or small children like steps, but I'm guessing most people don't like climbing stairs.  I know I don't.  This past weekend I climbed approximately 832 stair steps.  All of these stairs led to different areas of attraction, mostly waterfalls or great lookouts of Lake Superior.  I had never thought of this before but there are many different types of stairs out there.  Some stairs were made out of stone, while others were carved out of what looked like huge logs.  Some were really steep and others were just a gradual ascent or descent.  Although many of these stairs had extremely different character they all had something in common: they all led to a destination.  

Now climbing these stairs was not an easy task.  I recall several times having to pull to the side to catch my breath and wipe an occasional sweat bead off of my forehead.  It was quite the difficult climb and I knew I had to focus on something to keep me going.  As I struggled up the stairs I began to force myself to focus on one thing to keep me going.    I couldn't give up because of the "reward" I would receive in the end (i.e. a great view, a chance to breathe, a sip of water).  With each step I took my thoughts became more and more intense.   I began to think of crazy things.. like music, how waterfalls worked, what I would say to my youth group during our devo time.  Those didn't really keep me going.  I got bored.   And then I started to concentrate on the pain I was experiencing (i.e. calves burning, muscles tightening, feet aching) which was the worst thing I could do.   

After putting a lot of thought into those silly things I had an awakening about midway up my first set of stairs.  STEPS!  Every day is a step.  Well, duh.  Of course every day is a step.   A step in time.. it's common knowledge.   But there was so much more to it than that.  Let me elaborate.

Ok.  So you got your steps.  These steps are in my backyard.   Yeah, they're yours now.   These steps are made out of wood and stone.  They are not perfect.  They were built by my dad, who by the way is a great creator, but no one is perfect.  The steps in my back yard are huge- you have to take a really big "step" to get to the next one.   And obviously no two steps are the same.  Does that ring a bell?  LIFE.. each step we take is literally and metaphorically a step.  Ok, I'm confusing myself now. ...

Some of the steps we take in life are going to be hard.  Really hard.   Our knees will tense up and we will definitely feel like we can't go on any further.   Other times the steps will instead go downwards instead of up and we will be relieved.   Some times there will be places on the way up to stop and take a break.  And sometimes the steps will be blocked off and we will have to find another way to get to the top.   God doesn't give us anything we can't handle.   

1 Corinthians 10:13 says "All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it."  He is with us EVERY step of the way.  He never lets go of us!  Sure, life is painful.   Our knees will tense up.  We will get sweaty and thirsty for more.   But he is always with us.  Through all of that.  Every step we take.  

Sometimes its really hard to remember that during the really difficult steps.  Say your dad dies unexpectedly (just happened to a good friend of mine this weekend-god bless her).  You lose your faith.  Why would God choose my dad to die?  One of the crazy mysteries about God (for another blog). ...  Guess what?  You leave God.  But does He leave you?  Nope.  Never.  Because through His promise to never leave us and through His son we will NEVER be alone.  He takes up permanent residence in our hearts.   How amazing is that. 

He is there to comfort us...  when you just can't climb any more.  2 Corinthians 4:16-18 says "So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever." God wants to guide us because His love for us is so immensely great.   So for once let's let God be the captain.   Let him be the compass in your life and you will be rewarded in the end.  Keep your focus on Him and you will arrive at your destination.   

Help yourself.  

I dip, you dip.

Matthew 6:34 says "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." This is something I have been pondering for quite some time. Our world, America in particular, seems to be moving so fast. Gotta go here, gotta do this, gotta see this person, gotta buy this.. it never ends. We are constantly moving. I'm constantly moving! Sometimes I feel like I'm on auto pilot. I just press a button and bam my day goes by in a flash. Sometimes I don't even remember driving to work in the morning (now that is scary.) Sometimes I'll have a conversation with someone and completely forget I even talked to them an hour later. I'm so focused on what I need to do next, what I need to get done, and where I need to go next.

I have always been like this.. I spread myself way too thin. It would be a lot easier if things didn't bother me. I wish I was a "go-with-the-flow" sort of person, but I'm not. It has definitely been a struggle of mine. I try to please everyone but sometimes when you have so many things to do its hard to make everyone happy. I find myself so many times focusing on things that I really shouldn't be focusing on. I worry all the time. It runs in my family.. but I don't think that is an excuse. Give your ENTIRE attention to what God is doing now. ENTIRE. Do you know what that means? I like to think I do .. but entire?

Now I have had plenty of up's and down's in my faith. There have been times where I have been completely on top of my game. Praying all the time, having a pretty intense relationship with God-- my focus was dead on. And God blessed me during these times. I asked, He gave. Seriously. Prayer is SO powerful .. but that's another story. But there have also been plenty of times when I have been lower than low.. not praying and definitely not listening to what God was trying to tell me.

My journey has definitely been a rollercoaster. I start going uphill.. getting back in the swing of things, getting higher and higher and seeing even more great things, then I get to the top and its awesome, but then I lose focus, I fall down. It's constantly like that for me. What would happen if we could be more like a train? or a monorail? If we could put our ENTIRE focus on what God is doing for us. If we could just open our ears and our eyes and LISTEN to what He is telling us all the time. Not just at the top of the rollercoaster, but at ALL times. Don't worry about tomorrow, God will take care of it. He has a plan for all of us, He really does.

Some people put their faith in other people. Some people put their faith in substances. Some people put their faith in money. The list goes on and on. Put your ENTIRE faith in God. Try it. Open your ears. Listen. Open your eyes. See. See what He's doing in other people's lives, your life. Hear what God is telling you .. it could be something extraordinary! You may think that He's not there, but He's been with you your whole life and will continue to lead you the rest of the way. Trust in that.

I have nothing to write about. My life is boring. All I do is work and sleep and occasionally go on my computer. So I really don't have anything exciting to talk about. It is really quite stupid! Right now I am at work. All of my coworkers are in a meeting. I just heard them talking about me. That's cool. Ha. I hate Wednesdays. Always have, always will. It would be perfect if there was one more day in the week. This day would have special rules though.. nothing could be planned for this day.. no one (except for people that matter to you) could call you, and you would never be obliged to do ANYTHING. Just a day to catch up, relax, read your favorite Rob Bell book, and play music. Sounds perfect to me. Some day..

I'm going camping on Saturday! For four days! With my youth group! A while ago the guy that planned the trip (one of the dads) told me that I would be in charge of all the devotionals. At the time its seemed like no problem. However this was months ago and I had plenty of time to plan! Well guess who forgot all about it until last night? Me! And guess who has no time between now and Saturday? Me! Guess who's really stupid!? ME! I'm such a procrastinator.. it's beginning to really bug the crap out of me! Why am I writing in this stupid thing.. I should be planning!

Yep!

words, words, words!

currently reading these.   Excited to finish.. hopefully I can do that before school starts up.  Don't ruin it for me!  

what me and ben folds have in common:

gracie girl!  

if you love her, let her go.

Ah, the sweet smell of Sunday evenings...  My weekend was quite pleasant, probably the most relaxed weekend I have had since Christmas break.  Don't get me wrong, it wasn't anything special... I really did nothing.  But it was nice to just catch up on my sleep and rejuvinate a bit.  Friday night I was so bored I went to bed at 10:00 pm and woke up the next morning at 11:30.   Yeah, that felt good.  I awoke to the sound of my mom vacuuming (for those of you who don't know there is a giant hole in my wall but that is another story).   I knew that I had to get my butt out of bed so I could start cleaning because we had company coming over in two hours (they were going to stay in my bedroom.)  My room is always a giant disaster.  A giant, beautiful disaster.  I find it beautiful because I can find anything I'm looking for when my room is messy.  However when it is "spick and span" clean I can't find anything.   Anyway since I willfully gave up my room to our guests I packed up my essentials for sleeping as I cleaned up my room.   These essentials were my two pillows (which somehow were given to the son of our two guests ... and then I made my brother wake him up to get them from him and we gave him different pillows-- I'm terrible, I know!)  my clothes for the next day (had to get up early for church) my down comforters (yes "s")  my cell phone charger (duh) and last but not least (actually the most important) my fan.   

Now here's the story about my fan:  thanks to Luther Crest Bible Camp I am and forever will be addicted to sleeping with a fan on which, by all means, is no problem for me.  I find the sound very soothing; it eases my mind and gets those songs out of my head so I can fall asleep peacefully.  About mid-May of this year I came across a really cute fan at target for a fairly cheap price.  It's very small (perfect for traveling.) and it is stainless steal (only the best, right?)  Well when I brought it home I just decided to never turn it off.   Worst decision of my life.   But that's just one extra thing to do in the morning.   Well, needless to say I paid for this decision.  When I went to unplug my fan I noticed that it was EXTREMELY dusty (yeah, gross.)  so I cleaned it off.   

Fast forward to last night ... I didn't actually use my fan because I thought there was enough noise in the living room to ease my mind.  Fast forward to one hour ago.... I plug in my fan, it doesn't work.  Like at all.  Fast forward to now... I feel air blowing on my toes.  Could this be?? no.... I put my hand out and feel a cool breeze.  No freeaking way .. my fan works.  THANK YOU.  I just spent all this time writing about nothing.... ahhhhhhhhh.   

this makes up for it    :)

Congrats, Mr. Eric Hutchinson, you made it on Jon and Kate Plus 8.  Way to freakin go!   

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XPUJ9AVx5Q

more music to share.

yeah, so I created this because I want to share awesome music with the world.  LOL (or just tyler and dave.)   

Here are my current cravings or in other words what I've been listening to the past couple of days: 

Jukebox the Ghost.   AMAZING band from DC.. I believe there are three of them (keyboard, guitar, drums).  They've got this new sound that I've been liking so much.  I'm not sure how to describe it.. feel-good, poppy, nonsense?  Who knows.  All I know is that it gets my toes a tapping and I'm hooked and I can't stop staring. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIJTDwyQw5Y

Like always:  THE FORMAT.   I've been obsessed for about a year.  Not a big deal.  Too bad they broke up.  UGH.    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-m3GlmJDJtY

Ben Folds.   Everyone knows Ben.   I'm going to see him play with the MN orchestra on Halloween (Dave I still owe you money).   Lately I've been listening to "the Bens"  .. Ben Lee, Ben Folds, and Ben Kweller.  Pure Bliss.   Here ya go:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-pkkF9e76U&feature=PlayList&p=8834EEA61B70CCB4&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=32

P.S. .. is that a melodica?  

And of course Nickel Creek.   I've been listening to them since like the 4th grade and I'm still going strong.  They broke up too.  SAD.  But they've all got a bunch of new bands.. which I'm going to check out more in detail later.   The thing I like about them is they don't like to classify themselves as "bluegrass" but "progressive" .. or something.  Either way, they are one heck-of-a band.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nneEIX59I8

More to come.   I think its about that time.  (sleep).  

bye.  

People get ready..

Today I had a conversation with Dave about "Christian" music. We both decided that neither of us like the generic stuff on the radio (but then again, who does). Lately I've been on the search for "good" christian music. Music that is intelligent, passionate and well, music that sounds good to my ears. So far I have found nothing. An occasional Bethany Dillon song will keep me happy.. but I haven't came across any thing that I can actually stand listening to for long periods of time.

Anywho, about midway through my conversation with Dave I find this website: ipickmynose.com and am instantly intriuged. It was actually what inspired me to create this blog. Whowuddathunk.

I began to listen to some of the songs posted.. nothing fabulous but worth listening to more. I scrolled down to the middle of the page and found the gospel section. Now, I am usually not one for gospel (even though I LOVE Jesus...) but since we were on the topic of searching for good Christian music I decided to give it a try. Much to my surprise I was instantly rewarded by the "big mama tone" of Shirley Ann Lee. There is so much conviction in her voice.. and I love the blue-sy tone. There IS a light in my life shining over me! Excellent. And as I listened to the other songs posted I was even more blown away. Sam Cooke's "Were You There" was so different than the common hymn I grew up singing in my church. The soul is so soothing!

Thank you ipickmynose for this brilliant music! In the meantime I will keep searching. And if YOU happen to come across any good Christian music I would definitely appreciate you sharing. Not that anyone will read this. ..
http://blog.ipickmynose.com/